So many Errors!

I found this on the net, and I had to think to myself, "Wow, this attacks Christianity, yet is so inaccurate!"





And yes, I know it is meant to have a mocking humor to it, but I just have to dissect it. 8D Why? I can't stand errors. Even if it is someone mocking something, it annoys me that it is done stupidly. When you dislike something / want to mock it, you pick on the "flaws" it presents and attack those. But then, how can you mock something when you don't actually know anything about it? [e.g A guy walks in with horrible hair, the unkind hater would mock the hair] So here it goes...

"The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie..."

So Jesus is a "cosmic Jewish Zombie".  Saying he is "cosmic" has already brought up an oddity here, as by definition "cosmic" is in relevance to the universe (the cosmos) or that which is of the universe yet not of the earth (e.g cosmic laws, cosmic matter, cosmic catastrophe, cosmic rays).

The Jesus of Christianity is one part of the trinity of God, the Creator of all things. Therefore He transcends the cosmos because He was before its existence. Whether you personally believe in Him or not, that is the correct Christian belief! He created the Universe, as Jesus is the Word and in Genesis it states that All things where created by the Word, through the Word and for the Word. So to call Him "cosmic" is very much incorrect whether you believe in Him or not.

As for him being born into the Jewish nation, well of course that we can say is true, both Biblically and Historically I might add.

As for Jesus being a "Zombie". This is amusing as most people don't fully understand the concept of the Zombie today.
A Zombie in the original context is a snake deity which derived from West Africa and Haiti. But we will go to the more recognized version which is "A soulless corpse said to be revived by witchcraft " Which stems from African and Caribbean religions.

Jesus was resurrected by God with His glorified body. He was not described as a decaying soulless corpse. And He was certainly not revived by any pagan witchcraft practices, but by God who can do all things. So it is safe to say, Jesus was never a zombie in any educated context.

"...can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master..."

This does sound ridiculous. Now I must mention, that at the last supper before He was crucified, Jesus did say to the Disciples, “Take, eat, this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” and  “This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.” However this act doesn't offer you Salvation (Eternal life). It is, as stated, an act of remembrance.
Telepathically telling him that you accept Him as your master won't earn you Eternal life either.
 The Christian belief is that if you truly believe and accept His death & resurrection for your sake, and speak it out loud, you will have salvation (eternal life). If somebody offers you a gift, it is up to you to take that gift from the giver to receive its contents, and typically thank them (if you have any manners). It is the same basic principle. He offers you salvation, and it is up to you to believe He has it to give, and then just receive it and give Him thanks for it.

Thusly, if you believe He has died for your sins (offering salvation), you must in turn accept that he is, as stated, part of the Triune that is God. For how can a simple man (human) offer salvation to another man when He is just as corruptible & in need of salvation himself? He can't. Therefore you must accept that Jesus is one with God, your Creator. And if you come to this conclusion then He is your higher authority respectively, and your "Master". But in Christianity God is not a dictating Master of forced power, but a loving father offering His children the option in free will, to accept Him and build a relationship, or to reject Him and go there own way. And if God is all things good, then the latter option thusly offers only badness.

"...so he can remove an evil force from your soul..."

This is inaccurate as well.
Now, let me get this piece out the way quickly. The Christian God is a triune being. Described as The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Three parts of one being. Even in hebrew it is very specific to describe One God expressed in three, not Three gods. It is something beyond any other deity offered. There are Religions that offer multiple gods, but in whatever situation or context they are always separate beings who act on and within their own self. The Triune of God is more tricky to deal with. He is one being, one source, yet expressed within three.
Christianity states we are made in Gods image. Therefore we are triune beings akin to Him.  We have our biological body, our Spirit, and our Soul. The "Evil Force" is the curse of Sin, which was brought into being by the fall of man through rebellion. Sin is within the flesh, the biological. It is a genetic curse that brings decay and death (As seen in the laws of entropy). As we are Triune, it means it will affect the Soul (your mind, person) and thus condemn your Spirit (Your eternal body) and so condemns us to Spiritual Death (Separation from God). Sin is not rooted in the Soul or Spirit, as then you would have no way of being redeemed.

Lucifer is a "heavenly being" who rebelled against God. Being a non- triune entity, he was condemned, and is condemned for eternity to be separated from God. Because the spirit is eternal, and once it is contaminated it is done.
Spiritual Death is the complete separation from God (who is all things good), and is exactly what is prevented by the death of Jesus, if you accept it. Sin is contained within the biological, and is the reason why He paid the price in the biological.
If your enemy is in the sea, then that is where you confront him. You can't fight him in the air!

"...that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree."

Nearly done! This is a fun part I confess...
By the "rib-woman" it must be referring to the translation of scripture in Genesis which says God took one of Adam's ribs and made Eve from it. In the correct translation of the Hebrew text צלע tsela, is "part of his side". God put Adam into a "deep sleep", we can see that it describes him having a loss of consciousness as God anesthetized him so he could surgically remove living tissue containing Adam's DNA,  from his side to genetically form the woman equal to himself. If she was created separately, one might be above / below the other as completely separate beings. But in forming Eve from Adam's own genetic coding, they were made equal to each other, and one kind. Eve completed Adam as his "other self", and being made male and female were to "cleave" together in completion of their unity and to reproduce.

The curse of Sin was not introduced by Eve as many males unfortunately like to say. Adam was made before Eve, and he had a responsibility over all the things of the Earth. So it wasn't when Eve ate from the forbidden tree, but when Adam ate after her. Having known better he should of told her "WHAT? No I won't eat that, and you shouldn't of either!", but of course we see he goes along with it and then tries to blame her afterwards when confronted by God, and also tries to blame God Himself, which is worse!
As for Eve being convinced by a talking snake... well *face palm* Let us clear this up! There are poor translations which say the Serpent told Eve to eat the fruit. But when we go back to the correct Hebrew word and translate it properly we see that the word ha-nachash נָחָשׁ is used, which means "the Shining One, Shiny One". Who is the Shining one? Lucifer (The light bearer, illuminated one)
Lucifer was a Cherub (Keruv "covering angel") that fell to Earth. This must not get confused with the little baby with wings, which is actually a Putti. It is not Cupid/Eros either, as they were described as handsome young men, with wings and a bow & arrow that caused sexual desire (not love) amongst humans for their Mother deity Aphrodite/Venus in Greek & Roman Mythology !
Lucifer is a beautiful, shining being, adorned with precious jewels, and as a Cherub must have four large wings, two to cover himself from the Glory of the Lord in his presence, and two others free.
He is later described as the Deceiver, father of the lie, hateful enemy of all goodness.
Surely it makes sense that The Proud, fallen Cherub who is described as once having a close relationship with God, after his corruption would be hateful of all other things, especially mankind, made so akin to the one who cast him down in punishment.
The curse of the "snake/serpent" in the original text and context is prophetic language directed at the nachash (The shining one), which describes Lucifer being ranked lower than all creatures in creation. He will now be placed under humanity’s authority, who also governs the animals. It also addresses his barbarous struggle against God, and his ultimate destruction and eternal humiliation. In no way does it suggest an evil talking snake had legs and lost them as a punishment. Also, the birth of Jesus is already stated in Genesis when saying "the seed of the woman shall crush the head of your seed". The language and wording sees the seed from the woman, such context is never used Biblically or in general Hebrew (or any other language) anywhere else, but here. The seed is always from a male source, therefore explaining that there will be no father, yet there will be a child. Which is what we see much later in scripture when Mary conceives a child though untouched by a man.

Lastly, we have the "magical tree". The Tree of the Knowledge of good and evil was not magical at all. There was the tree of life also. Though both are literal trees, they also represent 1) Relying on God completely, in a fully trusting relationship for eternity (The Tree of Life) and 2) Separation from God directly and becoming self reliant. It may seem alright, but the latter unfortunately requires much hardship and unpleasantness which we we're not originally designed for.

As stated, the Christian God does not enforce your will, and here we see he offered mankind the choice. To obey Him and eat from the tree of Life and all the other trees, or to Disobey Him and eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Of course, they chose the latter, which has consequences, like all actions do. E.g If you jump off a building, the law of gravity will pull you down and you are going to die. That doesn't mean Gravity is an evil entity out to get you. It is a simple law we understand exists and if you want to go against it, you know the consequence!
We see the same thing in Christianity. God has His law. If you sin against Him, you will be punished. As God is pure and Holy, He cannot tolerate sin, so if you have Sin within you, you will be separated from God. And as all goodness and desirable things come from God, you must then suffer all the horribleness that is to be separate from that.
Hell was intended for Lucifer and the other fallen angels, a place of separation from God. As corrupted Spirits, they cannot be redeemed, and are an example to all others. Mankind, as we have already gone through, is a Triune being, and so despite our sin, we can be redeemed.
It wasn't anything magical that caused the fall of man when they ate the fruit. There was nothing in the fruit that caused our decline. It was the action of going against God that caused the fall and need of redemption.

So I guess this should of been...

Christianity:

The belief that the Creator of all things came to Earth through the Jewish nation, bound in Human flesh out of love, so He could redeem His creation through His physical death and Resurrection if we truly accept that He did so, confess it verbally and accept that he is our Master, which He would have to be to achieve this, as sin is contained in our flesh, which the law of entropy scientifically shows, because of Adam's lack of responsibility (which God gave to him when he was created), when he performed the action of going against God and separating us from from Him through Sin.

Whether you are against Christianity, or not this is the correct subject matter you can either accept or condemn. If you want to mock something, at least get the facts right, otherwise its pointless and you look silly
;)